My new crappy portrait

A few months ago, while wasting precious time on Twitter, I came across a tweet from the lovely A Thrifty Mrs (who also has an ace blog).  She was waxing lyrical about the wonders of a 'free crappy portrait' that she'd just been sent.  Now I'm never one to turn down a free experience so I immediately took a peek at their lovely website.  There is literally nothing better than people that accept photos and stories of strangers and then spend their spare time drawing rubbishy/hilarious pictures of them.  It makes me proud to be a human being. I submitted a photo of myself taken at the River Cottage Canteen and rambled on for a few hours about all my favorite things - dip and crisps, cider, my lovely ginger boyfriend, roast chicken, pumpkins, prawns, meringues and my fat goldfish Clementine.  

They do ask you to wait between one and one million days and I thought it would never arrive; but this morning instead of inbox stuffed only by Groupon - it was here!!

From this....

To this...

Oh, how I love it!  Much much better than I was expecting, plus the feast (minus the goldfish) looks really delicious.    I might also record the song, it will probably get to number one.

What I did this summer

When we last spoke the summer was just getting in to full swing, and what a glorious two weeks it was.  

Most of the vitamin D that I soaked up was courtesy of a weeks holiday to Devon to see Bo.  A holiday where I ate a pasty every day until my loving boyfriend pointed out that I might not fit my behind on the plane seat home.  So up'd it to 2 a day in defiance.  

Devon has to be the world capital of gluttony.  Where else in the world do main food groups consist of carvery, clotted cream and scrumpy?   The air is heavy with the smell of buttery pastry and sweet caramelised sausages. Clotted cream ice-cream, jam and fudge are touted on every street corner until you can do nothing but scream YES!! Give me something delicious that will clog up all my arteries, right NOW! If there was no such thing as calories or regret then Devon is the place to happily fill your chops for all eternity.  Not that you would remember anything about this contented existence because the scrumpy is officially the fuel for most space missions. I (A SCOT!) could, on average, manage half a pint before falling off my summer wedges.

But here's why this place is special, here's why its not just some run-of-the-mill British seaside holiday that ticks all the tacky boxes but bores you to tears. It has some of the best produce and producers in the whole of the country and they seriously know how to show it off.  The seafood, the cheese, the butchery, the apple juice - everything about it screams the Land of Plenty.  Newton Abbot, where Bo was based, was a large-ish town a little smaller than Stirling.  Not big enough for a Topshop - which is the measurement I use for towns.  The farmers market was twice weekly and so vast that it spilled into a large indoor market too.  It took me three hours before I felt that I had explored enough and I would have happily gone back every single day.

That post farmers market lunch will go down in history.  It might even make the grade for one of the courses in the (ever expanding) menu for the 'last meal before I die'.  Creamy Ticklemore goats cheese and local onion chutney sandwiched in the freshest sour dough, washed down with Cox apple juice and followed by blackberries, picked on the way home, sprinkled over clotted cream ice-cream.  The King of lunches.

I also was treated to a mystery tour that ended in dinner at The River Cottage Canteen in Axminster, as all good mystery tours should.  Situated amongst the deli where you can oggle at all the best produce that Devon has to offer, and then wait, expectantly, for Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's team to serve it up to you.  We started with a few glasses of local cider and huge bowl of mussels cooked in more cider, bacon and wholegrain mustard.  So sweet, so juicy, so fresh and with decent loaf to mop up every last drop.  For the main course I finally plucked up the courage to tick one of my New Years resolutions off the list. Mackerel.  I have to be totally honest, I'm not a fishy person.  White fish I can handle but oily fish have never been on the shopping list.  The thing is, I know I should like it.  It's good for me, it's sustainable and it can handle some serious flavour.  Plus it's Nigel Slater's favorite fish and he's my favorite cook.  So therefore on the 1st of January I wrote number 7 on the list - 'Learn to love mackerel'.  I have been slightly putting it off for 8 months, but I wanted my first mackerel to be the best mackerel ever plucked from the ocean and cooked to complete perfection.  Who could do this better than the River Cottage team?

So there they are, served whole with braised rainbow chard and roast peppers.  And (drum roll....) I cleaned my plate.  The freshness of the mackerel perfectly complemented the sweetness of the roast peppers and the earthy kale*.  I don't think you'll catch me cracking open a tin of sardines in the near future but for a first taste it was near perfection.


It was a sad, sad day leaving the delicious delights of Devon and if someone wants to give me a job there I'd be down like a shot.  Although I will have to learn how to take out my waist bands.

Devon was, unfortunately, a lone food highlight in a summer of just eating for energy's sake.  I've survived a long distance relationship, moved house, completed an NVQ, packed in three trips to the Edinburgh festival, put in a ridiculous amount of hours at work and waved goodbye to my little brother who moved to Australia. Thank goodness Autumn is here.

So dear readers get ready for an autumnal bounty.  I'm already planning great culinary adventures, tell me about yours...



*Kale is my new favorite vegetable.  Last week while on a 'thinking walk' I stumbled upon Stirling Council's new initiative to replace boring flower beds with mini allotments filled with kale, sweetcorn, tomatoes, peas and artichokes.  In celebration I took a quick snap of the kale leaves in the late summer sunlight, this photo now sits proud as the title of this blog.

And then there was one

This is not a sad story because at the centre is a new, brilliant, life changing adventure.  The only sad part is that it cannot be done together and that basically sucks. 

At the beginning of the summer Bo got the news that he had been accepted onto the course of his dreams, one that will totally kick start his dream career in horse racing.  He loves horse racing as much as I love food, which is a fair amount.  Some nights when reading in bed I'll ask him 'What are you reading about?' and he'll say 'Horses', and then he'll ask me 'What are you reading about?' and I'll say 'Food'.  That is our life.  It's lovely.  He has blagged work on anything connected to the industry for the last year; showing round VIP's on race days, manning the Scottish Racing trailer in the pissing rain, chatting up old dears on the train about course loyalty cards; and he has loved every single second.  So the fact that he was accepted as part of the British Horseracing Authority graduate scheme came as absolutely no surprise - to me anyway but I'm biased and think he's ace.  The course began at Newmarket for two weeks and then on to his placement in Newton Abbot, Devon to learn all about small racecourse management.  If you are interested in any of this (and you don't have to be, I do because I'm sleeping with him) he is writing his own blog on his experiences for Scottish Racing.  It's good too, he learnt from the best! 

Bo looking serious at the races.

So on Saturday 26th June he moved so very far away.  I stayed, had 'crying' face for about a week and got very drunk with my brother.  Our wee home suddenly echoed and I soon realised that goldfish don't talk back.  There was a pathetic lack of potatoes in the potato drawer, no milk was bought (it gives me the hibbies) and suddenly realised I had nobody to please apart from myself.  Which can be a bad thing.

It's been a month now, a month of throwing myself into work and making pillow people to sleep beside, and it's getting a little better.  Apart from the phone bills, they're getting worse.  Those of you that read this blog regularly (hi mum!) will know all about Bo's famous vegetable phobia so I decided to turn my hearts loss into my stomachs gain and eat LOTS OF VEGETABLES!  I honestly think that I can count on one hand how much meat I've had in the last month. 

Anyway, where were we, ah yes - vegetables.  I don't mean having a plate of carrot and radish followed by a parsnip chaser for lunch, I just mean meals that are not centred around carbohydrates and animal protein.  Interesting, semi healthy, quick and most importantly with my new status, easily adaptable for one.  My first purchase was Plenty by Yotam Ottolenghi and finally found out what all the fuss was about.  The most beautiful book that truly celebrates the world of vegetables in the most innovative and exciting way.  I know from the core of my being that this will be a cookbook that I treasure for the rest of my days.  Get it.

I realise I've divulged too much, this is a food blog and you are here for a recipe not a potted history of my mental state over the last month.  For that I apologise and hope that this simple fish supper for one makes up for any boredom or offense caused.  This meal is my new TV dinner, to be enjoyed when watching crap detective dramas and followed by 2 squares of Green and Black's Maya Gold.

Sea bass and Fennel Parcels with Tomato Salad

serves 2 - ironically

2 large seabass fillets (or 1 whole but the cooking time will be longer)

1 lemon

1 bulb of fennel

1 clove of garlic

a few sprigs of thyme

small glass of white wine

salt and pepper

For the tomato salad:

4 ripe tomatoes - from the windowsill, not the fridge

large bunch fresh parsley

1/2 a red onion

dressing of your choice, mine was made with white wine vinegar, rape seed oil, lemon juice and a little French mustard

Preheat the oven to 180c/350F/Gas Mark 4.  Or fire up the barbecue because this would work just as well either on the grill or nestled into cooling coals.

For the tomato salad, finely slice the tomato and red onion, season, add the parsley leaves and dress.  Place on the side while you cook the fish. 

Cut the fennel as finely as possible, for this you will need a pretty sharp knife or mandolin.  Be careful but the nearer you get to transparency the better.  Slice the garlic to a similar thickness.  Slice the lemon and pile this up with the fennel, garlic and thyme on a large sheet of tin foil.  Season generously and drizzle with olive or rape seed oil.  With a sharp knife, score each fillet about 1 cm apart.  Not all the way through but just enough to let the flavours penetrate the fish.  Lay the fish on the bed of fennel.  Bring up the sides of the tin foil to create a large, cornish pasty shaped, parcel.  Before closing completely add the wine, it will steam the fish from within.  Scrunch the foil together tightly, making sure that nothing can escape but leave room within the parcel for the steam to generate.  Cook for 20 - 25 minutes until the fish is opaque.

Serve with a green salad, crusty bread to mop up the juices and a chilled glass of sauvignon blanc.

Last night I braved the Flybe website (why so many questions!) and booked myself a wee holiday to the land of cider, crabs and handsome ginger men.  Photos, recipes and adventure stories coming soon!

F is for Friday

Growing up we were lucky enough to have our mum work from home.  Hen was always there to pick us up from the school bus and supply us with unending amounts of bread and strawberry jam while we watched Round The Twist.  But running a busy business from home with three children, constantly falling out of trees or wanting to use the the photocopier to photocopy their faces, is not the easiest of tasks.  Fridays were work days, and to control the peace Kimmy came to look after us. 

Fridays soon became the most looked forward day of the week as we were soon bewitched by Kimmy's wicked sense of humour and adventure.  She not only let me wear her frosted pink lipstick but also taught me the words to every Bananarama song.  One Friday, probably grasping at straws to keep us amused, Kim put her Sesame Street hat on and announced that we would only do things beginning with the letter F.  Cue three children with their feet covered in poster paint walking across a giant sheet of paper in the back kitchen and then, as a reward for our artistic efforts, French toast.

French Toast

I'm aware that this barely needs a recipe but it is one of my favorite things to eat.  I'm also aware that most people place French toast in the sweet category (a fact that I didn't find out until my early twenties) and the thought of having French toast with sugar or strawberries is just plain wrong.  I could push to bacon and maple syrup but that's the limit. 

During the years that Kimmy was looking after us my passions were firmly centred around Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan, so much so that I had a gigantic Kylie poster on the ceiling above my bed which is a little bit gay.  It was a platonic girl crush, honest.  Anyway, to cut a flashback short, Kim used to make us "Kylie and Jason French toast" with the French toast cut up and lovingly arranged around the plate in the shape of an 80's perm (for Kylie) or a mullet (for Jason).  Nose, eyes and mouth were courtesy of Heinz tomato ketchup. Delicious and still the only thing I want went I'm ill.


I've now grown up a bit (a smidgen) and like my French toast pimped up a little.  Chilli for heat, oregano to bring some Italiano to the mix and served with tomato salad or charcuterie.  Or baked beans if I'm being a bad foodie.  The bread must be white but make sure it's decent.

Serves 2

4 slices of white bread

4 eggs

milk, a splash

chilli flakes

oregano - fresh if possible, dried if not

salt and pepper

Beat the eggs, milk, oregano, chilli flakes and salt and pepper together.  Soak the bread in the mixture until all is absorbed.  Heat a good glug of olive oil in a thick bottomed frying pan.  When the oil is hot, fry each piece until golden and crisp on each side.

You're having a falaf

In other news I have been getting better at remembering about lunch. This is a big step towards being a normal person, or so I have been told.

At work, lunch is usually an irritating pang of hunger that is often ignored or quenched by downing a quick bowl of soup. Quite often, in fact, breakfast and lunch are usually combined - unfortunately not in a relaxing brunch kind of way, more like toast and marmalade at half eleven. The thing is, for me lunch is never a meal to get excited about unless I'm on holiday and it includes some chilled rosé and charcuterie in the sunshine.

The last 2 weeks have been different because I actually took time off work (shock!) and the days seem to be longer when you don't have a million things to do.  My plans for the time off consisted of sewing, watching crappy films and generally eating what I wanted as the other half was sadly at work (ha ha!).  This meant crappy films with subtitles and lots of yummy vegetables, hurrah!  For lunchtime I really want to have something that requires very little prepping and cooking, for me that means a variation of a mezze platter.  Tasty salad, yogurt dressing, soft pillowy flat bread, babagonush or hummus, grilled chicken or...

Butternut Squash and Goats Cheese Falafel

Falafel is the perfect snack, starter or flat bread filling and is getting so popular that McDonald's is now serving the "McFalafel" in some countries, a wonderful wikipedia fact that I couldn't wait to share with you.  This variation on the classic falafel includes two of my favorite ingredients, sweet butternut squash and zesty soft goats cheese.

Also this recipe, as well as being delicious, is also very cheap to make. I used dried chickpeas and soaked them overnight because in the past I've used tinned for hummus (humous, houmous?? I never know) and all it tasted of was the fousty brine. Lovely. Plus dried are cheap, 500g was only 97p and more than double in weight once soaked for 24 hours.

I made A LOT of these falafels with the thought that I could could freeze a big batch and lunch would just be a case reheating and munching, this is possible but they are so much better fresh from the pan.  I would recommend either only making as much as you will eat (and this an easily adjusted recipe) or make a large batch of the mixture and freeze, then defrost and fry.

This recipe is adapted from the Abel and Cole site which has some cracking recipes that celebrates the wonderful world of veg.

makes 20 - 25 falafel

1/2 small to medium-sized butternut squash, deseeded
4 spring onions, cut finely
2 cloves of garlic, chopped finely
2 tsp of cumin seeds
1 tsp of chilli seeds
400g soaked chick peas
20g fresh mint
20g fresh coriander
100g Abergavenney goats cheese
100g fresh breadcrumbs
1 egg yolk
1 tsp baking powder
salt and pepper
plain flour (for rolling)
olive oil (for frying)

The day before soak the chickpeas, at least 24 hours in advance.  They will double in size so for the sake of this recipe soak 200g of dried chickpeas.  If, after soaking, there is a little more than 400g chuck them in a salad or stew, if its a little less don't worry.  Rinse thoroughly once soaked.

The next day preheat the oven to 200c/390F/Gas Mark 6.  Cut the squash into 2-3cm chunks, no need to peel as the skin becomes lovely and chewing when roasted and adds texture to the falafel.  Place in a roasting tray and sprinkle over 1 tbsp of olive oil, the cumin seeds, chilli flakes, a good pinch of sea salt and a proper grind of black pepper.  Toss it all together and place on the middle shelf of the oven.  Roast for 20-30 minutes, turning occasionally.  Once soft and caramelly, cool to room temperature.

Add all the remaining ingredients and the squash (plus any juices) to a food processor and blitz together to make a rough paste.  Test a small amount of the mixture by taking a small piece and form a ball, if the paste falls apart too easily add a tablespoon of plain flour and blitz again.  Season with salt and pepper.

Scoop the paste into a large bowl with a spatula and cover tightly with clingfilm.  Chill in the fridge for a minimum of 2 hours.  To shape the falafel; dampen your hands, take about a tablespoon of the mixture and shape into a ball.  Dip the ball into plain flour and place on a plate lined with greaseproof paper.  Repeat.

Heat some olive oil in a pan, it needs to have a depth of about 1 inch.  Test the temperature with a piece of bread, once the bread fries to a golden colour the oil is ready.  Cook 5 falafel at a time, making sure not to crowd the pan, for about 3-5 minutes until golden and crispy.  Drain on kitchen paper.

Have a perfect lunch.

A salad dressing made with natural yogurt, lemon juice and very good extra
virgin olive oil.  Goes beautifully with a salad of crisp, thinly cut veg.

Happy To You!

To my dear friends and readers; some from home, some (bizarrely) from Angola, the time has arrived to celebrate.  Put your Kate and Wills bunting back up and pop open something chilled and fizzy (Appletise will do) because...

THE LARDER IS ONE!  Hooray!!!

I think the cake was too small for 'birthday'.

And a huge thank you is in order.  Firstly and most importantly to you, for taking the time out of your hectic lives to read my rambles through culinary adventures.  Someone asked me recently if I would still write a blog (still hate that word) if nobody read it.  An interesting question and one that will plague bloggers (eek, worse!) for years to come.  My answer? Yes of course, but in no way would I get as much pleasure out of it as I do.  With the risk of getting slightly American on you all, through your feedback and friendship I laugh, learn and discover more and more about this wonderful world of all things edible.  Your comments are valuable, often hilarious and... oh God I'm welling up here...

Just thanks.

I also want to say a huge merci to my friends and family for helping and listening as always.  Particularly to Bo, who not only lets me insult his eating habits on the Internet but proof reads them too.

And lastly, fellow food writers (I can't bring myself to use that word again).  Some of which I have met, most of which I've read and some of which I have hilarious Apprentice banter with on Twitter.  There is amazing people doing some amazing things out there, it's lovely to be part of it all.

So finally, to show my appreciation I baked you a cake.

Rhubarb and Custard Fairycakes

makes 12

These cakes taste completely of rhubarb and custard.  I'm not being blonde but I just want to warn people that might not be too fond of that combination that this is not a hint of rhubarb and custard.  Its like a rhubarb and custard bomb going off in your mouth.  On the other hand, if like me, you LOVE rhubarb and custard then these are going to make you very very happy.  I ate five.  In one afternoon.

300g rhubarb, cut into 1cm slices. Plus 1 whole stick for decorating.
125g caster sugar, plus 4 tbsp extra
zest and juice of 1 orange
100ml plain yogurt
2 eggs
100g self-raising flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
75g ground almonds

For the icing:
200ml milk
2 tbsp cornflour
175g butter
2 tbsp mascarpone
175g icing sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract

Preheat the oven to 180c/gas 4.  Line a cupcake tray with 12 cases.

In a small saucepan add the chopped rhubarb and the whole stick (chop in half if necessary).  Add the 4 tablespoons of caster sugar and the juice and zest of the orange.  Bring to the boil then turn down to a simmer for 2 minutes, or until the rhubarb is soft but not breaking up.  Leave to cool on the side.

In a small bowl whisk the eggs and yogurt together.  In a larger bowl sieve in the flour, sugar and baking powder.  Stir in the ground almonds and a pinch of salt.  Make a well in the centre and add the yogurt mixture and fold together.  Lift the whole stick of rhubarb out of the pan and put to the side.  Strain the rest of the rhubarb away from the juices in the pan - the juices can be used for beautiful summer cocktails or just added to yogurt at breakfast.  Fold in the cooled rhubarb into the cake mixture, making sure that the pieces are kept as whole as possible.

Split the mixture between the 12 cases and bake for 19 - 23 minutes on the middle shelf.  Cool on a rack once ready.

Meanwhile make the icing.  Mix together the cornflour and a splash of milk to make a paste.  Pour the rest of the milk into a small saucepan and whisk in the paste.  Put the saucepan on a low heat and continually whisk until the milk has thickened to the consistency of custard.  Leave to cool.

In a large bowl cream together the butter, icing sugar, vanilla extract, mascarpone and a pinch of salt.  Cream until pale white and whisk in the milk mixture.  Ice the fairycakes generously.  Cut the whole pieces of rhubarb into thin, jewel-like circles and sprinkle over the top of the cakes.



This recipe has been brought to you by a Jamie Oliver supplement, although the recipe was wrong (gasp) and I had to fix it, and my Grampa's rhubarb.

Dorset Cereals Little Blog Awards

Breaking News!  Breaking News! 

The Larder has been nominated for a Dorset Cereals Little Blog Award and there is less than 1 week left to vote!  I'm am very aware that I have been slightly badgering everyone around me but I am very excited and slightly obsessed with winning an egg cup.  Currently 4th in the race so if you would like to vote (and that would be tremendous) you can by clicking the link on the right.  Blatant self promotion over.